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22 Nisan 2023, 23:58
I was twenty-four, I had just finished college and I somehow felt lost in life, like I was simply floating through other people?s expectations of me and their ideas of how my life should be. I decided that I needed to do something to find myself, so I took a summer job on a cargo ship. I had never been on more than a ferry and really didn?t know what I was getting myself into, but the recklessness of being completely unprepared is what excited me and I felt that it was time to shake things up a bit.As soon as my assignment arrived, I immediately wondered what the hell I had been thinking. I would spend three*months at sea with a crew of eight*other men. I was leaving behind a summer of parties and friends, as well as my girlfriend, for this? I justified it to myself (and those who asked me) by saying that I needed the money and that I wanted an adventure. In reality though, I just needed a change of perspective.When I arrived at the harbour, I was immediately struck by the lacklustre of it all. A large portion of it was a ship graveyard full of rusted out cargo ships that had reached their end of life. Seeing them out of the water, their paint faded and their rusted red metal bodies exposed was a far cry from my somewhat romantic image of sailing and life on the sea.The harbour appeared to be deserted and I finally found something that resembled an office inside of a converted shipping container. A woman there told me where I would find the ship that I would be working on. It wasn?t where she said it would be, but I eventually found it. A long, flat looking ship, sitting relatively high in the water, painted white and dark burgundy with a captain?s bridge towards the rear. I reassured myself that it was seaworthy and made my way to the bridge.I boarded the ship and called out ?hello? as I entered unfamiliar territory. After ten*minutes of aimlessly walking around I finally I heard the sound beşevler escort (http://eryamansu.com/ad-category/besevler-escort/) of rattling metal tools and followed the sound to find the captain of the ship doing some maintenance in the engine room. I called to him but he didn?t hear me over the loud hum of the engine, so I just waited until he turned around and then waved, somewhat awkwardly, at him. He waved back, finished up what he was doing and then came up to meet me.He had been on board the past few days*preparing for our journey*and told me that most of the crew would be arriving that evening but that we wouldn?t be leaving for at least three days as not all of the cargo had arrived. I was disappointed to hear that we?d be sitting in this harbour, but having ?time to do nothing? was one of the things that I had told myself that I wanted.The ship?s living area consisted of a kitchen and a canteen. The cook was a large, sweaty man who seemed completely disinterested in knowing who I was. My cabin was simple, to say the least ? a bunk bed on one side, a small desk and chair on the other and a bathroom at the end, but it was liveable and it was clean.Most of the other crew members arrived that evening, but a few who had heard about the delay didn?t show up until our departure. We had a few hours work to do preparing and cleaning the cargo area and I spent most of the rest of my time reading in my bunk. One of the other crew members, Johnny, was a year or two older than me and we got on well. This was his third time working on the ship and he showed me the ropes and answered my questions.The cargo finally arrived and after being loaded I was expecting to hear that we?d be leaving the following morning, but instead we were leaving that night. I hadn?t been briefed on what my actual job was, but Johnny showed me what each of our shifts involved ? patrolling the cargo area, maintenance cebeci escort (http://eryamansu.com/ad-category/cebeci-escort/) of the cooling system and various other chores. I was really happy that he was there as the rest of the crew members came across as grumpy old men. I rarely interacted with anyone besides Johnny, the captain and the first mate, who was always on the bridge and seemed to never sleep.After a few weeks I had become used to the rhythm of my shifts. Every day I had four*hours on, two*hours off and then another four*hours on. One of my shifts coincided with one of Johnny?s and hanging out with him became the highlight of my day. We could relate to each other well and I shared my feelings of being dissatisfied with my life, even though on the surface I had everything I believed one needed to be happy. I told him how I was fed up with academic life but that I wasn?t interested in pursuing a career either, how my relationship with my girlfriend had never really reached a deeper level of connection and how I in general didn?t feel like I was living my own life. He didn?t say much but it felt good to have someone who was disconnected from my past listen while I shared all of this.After around eight*weeks the monotony of life on the ship really started setting in. The ocean was vast and the sunsets and night skies were amazing, but I was missing social and physical contact. On one day that I was feeling quite down, I was chatting with Johnny and telling him that while being out at sea felt like it was doing me good, I also felt more lost than ever in terms of what I wanted in life. After a long pause, he asked me if I had met Jorge, one of the other crew members. I thought I had met all of the other men on the ship, but when he described him and told me that he worked the night shift, I realised I had not yet seen nor met him.I asked why, and Johnny became a bit kolej escort (http://eryamansu.com/ad-category/kolej-escort/) uncomfortable all of a sudden, as if he had regretted saying anything. When I nudged him on it, he told me that the first time he was on this ship he had felt a lot like I did and that Jorge had helped him. He didn?t go into any more detail, but said that if I wanted to, I could ask Jorge to help me find my orientation again. I didn?t really understand but sensed that he would not tell me more.A few days went by before I finally built up the courage to seek Jorge out. I ventured into the canteen several times after my last shift, hoping to find him there. I eventually did and waited for the coast to clear before approaching him and introducing myself. At first he seemed polite though somewhat disinterested. After a somewhat awkward exchange, I decided to cut to the chase and mentioned that Johnny had told me that perhaps he could help me. He asked what I wanted help with and I told him, in not too many words, about feeling confused and unmotivated by life. He confirmed that he might indeed be able to help and that I should come to his cabin the following day after my last shift. He told me to eat a light dinner and to shower thoroughly beforehand. I found his instructions and choice of words a bit strange but agreed, thanked him and left.That night I lay awake in bed, wondering what was awaiting me. All manner of possibilities were racing through my mind and I could do nothing to still my thoughts. It had always been hard for me to let go of control but I told myself that this entire journey was a learning experience in letting go and welcoming the unknown. The thoughts kept coming though and I didn?t sleep much that night.The next day was the same old routine as I had had since being on the ship, which had become very familiar and monotonous. After my second shift I went back to my cabin and showered as I always did. As I was stepping out of the shower to dry myself, I suddenly remembered about my arrangement with Jorge and what he had told me. I got back in the shower and washed myself again, applying soap to my entire body and scrubbing all over with my fingers. I didn?t know what I was preparing myself for, I was just following instructions.